In The Zone

Post written 02 December 2012

I played a very little yesterday, just to show off Morag to friends. I managed to play half of several tunes - somehow my memory wouldn't produce whole tunes.

I think I've mentioned before about the odd level of attention that is necessary to recall tunes. If my mind wanders the tune vanishes entirely, but if I concentrate too hard I also lose it. There is a perfect midpoint - the zone - in which tunes just come. Now I understand this I understand the fan better. I've always found it rather irritating when I've gone to him while he was playing,  sometimes just to say hello because I'd been out, or to ask something, and all I've got is a rather vague look and perhaps a nod. It makes me feel rather cut off, ignored, unimportant. Now I see that it's not to do with me at all, or even with the fan - it's just that he's in that zone, and once you're properly settled in you're not easily shaken out.

The zone is a private space and it feels uncomfortable slipping into it while people are watching. It also seems a little impolite, perhaps, stepping aside into a private space when you're with others. It's also almost a little embarrassing - exposing yourself to others while you're in such a private place. I think that's why playing in public is so scary. (I'm also aware that the fan pulls the most appalling faces when he's in the zone, and I don't know what I do and don't want to do anything that makes me look an idiot!)

Slipping into that space is still new to me, and hopefully eventually I will be able to go there at will, and immerse myself in it, regardless of who else is with me. I think I only just get inside the zone, not far enough in not to be aware of my audience, whereas I think the fan slips deep into the zone where having one's wife return from the shops, or offer you a cup of tea, or ask what you want for dinner is meaningless noise around the edges, shadows and glimmers of another life.